Monday, January 5, 2015

LETTER TO BABA

Assalamualaikum baba,

Remember those nights when I was still in primary school? When you stayed up late to help me  with my Maths homework? And when you finally surrendered to your tiredness after working all day and i came asking you maths questions when you were trying to go to sleep? I remember them, you never once declined my request for help, you never sighed and complained. Although, I still hate Maths with a passion now and will always be but those nights? Are my most treasured memories until my last breath.

Baba, 
There are so many things that I want to thank you.
Thank you for being YOU. You are the greatest man and the best dad in the universe.
Your patience and your love are something I hope I have too.
You were quiet, you didn't say much but when you did? Your words were full of wiscom and sometimes they were darn funny that all of us laughed our hearts out.

Baba, 
I'm sorry that I don't say I LOVE YOU often enough or hug you many times.
I think you know that I'm like you in that way. We don't express ourselves much except when we are alone. .
But I have no doubt that you know i love you nonetheless just like how I know you love us so much.
What you didn't say? You told them through your actions.

Baba,
I remember all those days when I come back from Penang, Kedah, Tawau or Perlis. All of my favourite things would be waiting for me in the fridge. You know what I mean. FOOD. You never failed.

Baba, 
remember those times when I was so immature and full of teenage angst? That I rebelled everytime I was scolded for something but ended up with me crying, sobbing to be exact. You cane up to my room and you calmed me down. You never once raised your voice to any one of us. 

Baba, 
Remember the time when I did not know what to choose as my future? To pursue law which i had already started  or to change and go for TESL? You just know what to say. You know that I love language and that I will be better off doing something like that. Thank you Baba. I hope you are proud of what I have become. Honestly, i think i would not love being a lawyer myself. You helped me choose the right path. That is why you are so awesome.

Baba,
Your heart is so pure. Even when you first knew you were sick. The thing that you thought about was your children. You were worried of ME  being sad all alone in Perlis. 

Baba,
I cried when I first heard the news of your diagnosis. I cried on how brave and strong you were in accepting what was coming your way. You knew it was all Allah's plan after all. I cried when you went  in the OT. Trust me those 12 hours? Were the longest time all of us had gone through. We prayed and prayed for it to be successful. I cried after that when you were still in the ICU praying to Allah that you would wake up soon. And you did for a few days. Although, it was such a short time but I am grateful to Allah for the chance to see and touch you, to talk to you one last time. It was like He gave us some time to say goodbye. 

 Baba,
When Ain first told me the news. I was shocked. I even asked was she serious? Not because I thought my sister would joke about something like this. Just hoping that this was all a dream.

Baba,
Right now after a few hours of your absence. I am still waiting for someone to shake me and wake me up.that this was all some sad dream. But i know  otherwise. In a way, I am glad that you do not have to suffer the pain anymore. When you were in the hospital, I was so devestated. Seeing you in pain? I wish i could take it away from you.

Baba, 
I know you wouldn't want us to dwell on your absence to carry on with our lives. But please know that we need time to grieve on the loss. We need time to cry our hearts out. For me, it will take time before someone could ask me about you without me tearing up again. 

Baba,
I see you in every corner of the house. On your favourite longue chair, your room evetywhere.  You took with you a huge chunk of our hearts.

Baba,
I feel like i am too young to loose you. You went too soon. How I wish I have more time with you. But I know Allah loves you more. We send you off with Al-Fatihah and prayers. 

Baba,
One last thing for you to remember. We love you so very much. You will always be in our hearts. I will always be a daddy's girl. You will always be my hero. I love you baba, to the moon and back.

AL-FATIHAH

Thank you Allah for giving me one last chance to kiss my Baba goodbye.

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